Opening Soon · Fremantle, WA

There is a country you have not heard of.

It is called Kaltora. It has been feeding strangers for five thousand years, and it is about to open a door in Freo.

The Free Nation of Kaltora

Land of the Hearth

Kaltora lies somewhere between the Indian Ocean and the imagination. It does not appear on maps in this universe — a cartographic oversight the Royal Government has never seen fit to correct.

Sixty-one million Kaltorans live across five regions: the snowbound Frostback Peaks, the warm Sapphire Coast, the golden Valoran Plains, the great trading city of Port Tariko, and Mount Kaltor itself — 4,912 metres tall and, by common agreement, the finest mountain anywhere.

The name is plain enough once you have the language. Kal is hearth. Tora is land. Kaltora — the Land of the Hearth. The nation was founded around 3200 BC, invented chess in roughly 480 BC to settle arguments without wrestling, and has spent the three thousand years since perfecting the art of feeding people who did not expect to be fed.

Feed First. Ask Questions Later. Etar prima. Demanda posa. — the national motto

This is not a slogan. In Kaltora, hospitality is a doctrine of state. Nolku vada etsin — nobody leaves hungry. A table is set with one extra place, always, in case someone arrives who was not expecting to. Apologising to a chair you have bumped into is ordinary good manners. Dessert before lunch is protected by Royal Decree.

The national philosophy fits on a beer coaster, which is where it is usually found: Eat well. Laugh often. Feed strangers.

Ka Vandra vo Forka

The Banner of the Fork

The national flag of Kaltora — a gold saltire dividing green and black quarters, overlaid with a red cross edged in cream, with a golden fork upright at its centre

A gold saltire divides green from black. Over it stands a red cross, edged in cream. And upright at the heart of the flag, where other nations put a lion or a star, Kaltora puts the Fork.

  • Green — the plains, and the harvest they give up.
  • Gold — the hearth-fire, and the Fork it forged.
  • Black — the volcanic stone of Mount Kaltor.
  • Red — hospitality. (Unofficially, the ketchup.)
  • White — the truce every argument ends in once food arrives.

Etiquette note: when the flag passes, it is polite to lower your fork, not raise it.

The nation at a glance

Sovereign in most universes since 3200 BC

Kaltora is a constitutional monarchy. Its head of state is His Royal Majesty King Kallo Foodey II — Patron of Football, Protector of Breakfast, Defender of Proper Coffee.

Capital
ValoraLargest city: Port Tariko
Currency
The DollukPegged 1:1 to the Australian dollar. Dolluk means “goat” — the goat was the money first.
National animal
The Silver IbexUnbothered. Sure-footed. Deeply Kaltoran.
National sport
FootballKaltora has won every World Cup, in most universes.
National pastime
ChessA board lives on every café counter. This is not optional.
Language
KaltoriKallo! — hello. Meru! — thank you. Eta bena! — eat well.

Templo Panto

The Great Pantheist Cathedral

Kaltora's national landmark takes no position on the ultimate nature of reality. It has instead adopted a policy: all beliefs, one roof; all people, one family.

The Cathedral welcomes every philosophy, every faith, every doubt, and every sincere seeker. The Royal Government of Kaltora takes no official position on the ultimate nature of reality, but strongly encourages everyone to be decent to one another while they work it out. Inscription above the west door

By Royal Appointment

Kaldo's holds the Royal Warrant

Official Suppliers to the Royal Palace of Kaltora, by appointment to H.R.M. King Kallo Foodey II.

The Palace has asked us to stop reminding people the King still owes us 178 Dolluk. We have complied. Mostly.

And now — Fremantle

Kaltora is opening a door in Freo.

Kaldo's is where the Land of the Hearth reaches Western Australia — a new café and coffee shop in the heart of Fremantle, at the rear entrance of the DADAA Building on Adelaide Street, a short walk from Clancy's Fish Pub and the Fremantle Markets.

The hearth is being lit. The chessboard is on its way. What we're serving is a story for another day — but there will be a chair for you, and it will not be an empty one for long.

Find us

Rear entrance, DADAA Building
92 Adelaide Street
Fremantle WA 6160

Around the back, near Clancy's Fish Pub.

Open in Maps

Enquiries

0439 999 409

Questions, catering, or diplomatic relations — give us a call.

Call Kaldo's

Questions from this universe

Frequently asked questions

Where is Kaldo's in Fremantle?

Kaldo's is at the rear entrance of the DADAA Building, 92 Adelaide Street, Fremantle WA 6160 — around the back, near Clancy's Fish Pub. Open it in Google Maps.

When does Kaldo's open?

Opening soon. We're fitting out the space now, and we'll announce the opening date here first. For an exact date, call us on 0439 999 409.

What is Kaltoran street food?

Kaltoran street food is the everyday cooking of the Free Nation of Kaltora — fast, fresh, affordable, and made to be eaten with one hand. The full menu is a story for another day, but coffee, of course, is a matter of national honour.

Is Kaltora a real country?

Kaltora does not officially exist… in this universe. Under the Many Worlds interpretation, however, it is entirely real in infinitely many others, which is why its history is completely accurate — just not necessarily here.

How do I contact Kaldo's about catering?

Call 0439 999 409. Catering, wholesale, functions and diplomatic relations are all handled on the same number.